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Leah's Lowdown: Food Fails


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  • Burnt toast

Leah, Queen's Square | March 1, 2017

You know how sometimes you’ve left your recipe until the last minute and now you’re frantically baking something at midnight that MUST be ready for you to take to work or school the next day? That was me sweating, swearing and cursing my procrastinating ways two weeks ago. I had promised to bring Rachel Ray’s “Crispy-chewy chocolate cookies” for the United Way bake sale at work and as I looked at the batter, I thought “Hmm, that doesn’t look quite right”.

But I knew I had followed the recipe, so I baked away with my fingers crossed. Then the smell of scorched batter wafted through the kitchen. NOOOOO! One look and I wanted to cry. They were flat as pancake and hard as a proverbial rock. I couldn’t bring these to work if I wanted my co-workers to continue speaking to me! So after consulting the best chef I know, (thanks mom!) I added another full cup of flour and tried again. Yeah! Chewy delicious perfection! So feel free to make these from the recipe but just remember it’s 1 and ½ cups of flour NOT just ½ cup as the recipe says.

Coming from the lady who, in her younger years, used to think pizza pops and kraft dinner were haute cuisine, I will admit that I’m trying to eat better now that I’m in my thirties. I’m even making recipes from scratch with, like, those vegetable thingies. I loved Andrew Weil’s new cookbook Fast Food, Good Food so much that I bought it. I especially adored the “Triple chocolate brownies” and the “Quinoa fried “rice””.

Then it all started to go downhill. I ambitiously tried to make the “Japanese pancake of unhappiness”. Ok so it’s just called a Japanese pancake but it did make me feel very unhappy. After what seemed like five hours of slicing, grating, chopping and mixing, I was ready to fry these suckers up! What I ended up with was a gloppy, warm mess that looked nothing like the delicately fried beauty in the picture. The texture was weird but it tasted ok and I hate wasting food so I ate it. But I can’t figure out what happened - I used the exact ingredients and I’m a VERY careful measurer. I don’t get it. Someone please try this for me and tell me what I did wrong. I beg of you!

Ok, so now that you’ve laughed at me, laugh with me at these hilariously awesome food fails! My favourites are what I will dub the “Cookie Monster Cupcake monstrosities” and the “hypothetically supposed-to-be Mickey Mouse pancakes”. Go ahead and share your food fails below because, hey, you already went through the pain, so we might as well laugh about it. And don’t feel bad if your recipe doesn’t turn out quite as you thought it would, it could always be much, much worse!